I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize