Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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