dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
