I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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