I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
