Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
