My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
