I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize