then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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