Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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