True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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