I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
