New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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