Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
