Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
