I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
