Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
