The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
