Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
