ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
