Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
