You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
