doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
