I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
