These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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