Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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