Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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