I want to walk on stilts...naked
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
