His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
