I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
