Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
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