Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
