He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
