i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
