tell your sister to shave her snatch
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
