Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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