I'm gonna have a badass scar
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
