You're my little dorito
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
