You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
