You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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