I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
