sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
