Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
