i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
