I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
