Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
