About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize