you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
