I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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