haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
handjob tips. give me some.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
