i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
