Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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