I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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