you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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