WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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