Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So here I am, sexting at work.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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