I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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