thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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