hotel room ftw
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
