I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
