I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
