sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
