i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
