I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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