Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
