At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
