i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
