Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
