i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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