I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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