I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
im on a boat
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