why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
