you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
