so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
